7 Stages of OH NO!

I have somewhat recently hit a little stumbling block..I've just gone through a rough time tying to figure out how to juggle all the balls I have in the air work, work, marriage, workout, diet, did I mention work. It has been hard just to get it all figured out and I've let my workout and diet go a bit but sometimes for me there are more important things than my health...like my sanity...don't get me wrong my health is a huge part of my staying sane and is a huge part of the glue that holds me together but when big things come up with my job like a bunch of cabbage from insurance missing, or struggles with my marriage I sometimes have to let those things take priority because my husband and my job are worth holding on to. I guess I have been so busy juggling my balls I try to  focus on all equally hoping none of them will drop but it is apparent I've slacked...and that's okay I just now have to stop slacking and get back on track...I say all this to get to the Sweetest Thing...a truth: when I slack I feel bad about myself and my self esteem plummets to zippo... when I don't workout I get down about myself cause I just simply don't feel good about myself. I don't know if this is a normal thing or not I think some of you out there I hope can relate. My husband Mike and I recently made a trip to Dallas for our anniversary our 3rd to be exact. We had gotten up in hotel room and were fixing to head out for an awesome evening of fun to watch the Texas RANGERS..Go RANGERS!!!! He suggested that I put on some jeans which I haven't done since April or so since here in Texas it is always a blazing 100 degrees or so all summer long. So here I was getting my jeans out because it was suppose to be cool that evening for the first time all summer. Leg 1 in... Leg 2 in... now up....umm not going over the booty so easily... then I realized holy trash I haven't gotten new jeans since I've put on my newly found 10 lbs since I've been doing all the juggling... that is when the ball and finally dropped and hit the floor... of course when this happened I went through what I would like to call the 7 stages of OH NO!
1. Denial: spray jeans with wrinkle re leaser in hopes they would stretch enough to get on

2. Guilt: man I really shouldn't have ate all that crap

3. Anger: at my self for not being more controlled

4. Reflection: sitting in car on way to ball game feeling all my fat jiggle as we hit bumps of freeway(yuck)

5: Up turn/ SWEETEST THING: my husband telling me "I was so beautiful and there has been a lot going on, this weekend we are going to enjoy our selves so no negative talk, no I"m fat, not feeling sorry for yourself. Just a good time because that is what we came here to do enjoy each other. "

6:Working Through: Next morning getting ready to go shopping put on shorts and top as I was looking in the mirror my hubby saying, "man that is one hot lady...you look hot...and no part of your looks even the lease "fat""

7: Hope: This is when I got a real perspective that gaining 10 lbs does not make me fat really I need to chill out...and that come Monday it would just simply be time to pick that ball up off the ground dust it off and get my diet and health in a better place..

Looking back on this last weekend made me realize how sweet my husband had been and how appreciative I am of how real he is and how much he does care for me...and best of all he didn't just lie to me and say I was beautiful he really meant it...I'm so thankful for him...I also feel like this is something we do to ourselves we all do...we go through this process over and over again...I think its in important part or realizing what our needs are and the way we asses our life. I also feel that its important for me to tell you this so maybe someone gets that they aren't the only ones that deal with it. ITS REAL and IT'S LIFE...so stay calm and carry on,tweak what needs tweaking and realize you are BEAUTIFUL!!!

JERKY JUNKIE

My love for jerky of all kinds has now been officially brought into a whole new realm of goodness... My husband mike started making jerky a couple of years ago when we first started processing our own deer that we hunted... I know you forest creator loving peeps are officially freaking out at this point as soon as Bambi and hunt are put in the same sentence, but my Texas cowgirl soul longs for the hunt, but that's another blog entirely...BACK to the jerky, He started experimenting with different recipes and after buying the $20 wonder from walmart we were well on our way to Jerky heaven...so for years our friends and family have pined after out beloved deer jerky, looking back on this we should have charged for it because we would probably be millionaires by now..lol... Lately my hubby has been experimenting with more than just deer jerky thanks to our $170 purchase of the ultimate pro jerky dehydrator we bought on our most recent trip to Dallas. WE bought the dehydrator at CAbela's and its perfect, it has a auto timer, digital read out, stainless steel, and pull out treys...I think this is my husbands version of "electric sex (Ralphy from the Christmas story)" Before even leaving the parking lot he asked, " maybe we can find a grocery store and fire this puppy up in the hotel" comments such as this continued throughout the weekend until finally we got back home and he could make sweet humming dehydration love to his new machine...since then He has been putting anything he can get his hands on in this beautiful jerky maker beef, deer, chicken, wild hog, watermelon btw that one was well fantastic in theory not so fantastic in reality just think texture like a  watermelon rice cake ( not great)...I'm starting to however to have nightmares of my hubby putting me in that thing...The shiny positive is not the electric glow of dehydration but the wonderful jerky a junkie like me can stuff her face... yum yum..it is true I am a jerky whore...There is an upside to stuffing my face with all that delicious deer WELL ITS GOOD FOR YOU.  IN our Jerky Jubilee I found these nutritional facts that make it all the sweeter that i love this stuff so much Nutrition facts - serving size 1 oz. (28g); serving size per 4 pieces


Amount per serving

Calories 89 Calories from fat 5

% of Daily Value

Total fat 1.5g 2%

Saturated fat 0g 0%

Cholesterol 30mg 10%

Sodium 310mg 13%

Total Carbohydrate 8g 3%

Dietary Fiber 0g 0%

Sugars 3g

Protein 13g

Vitamin A 0% Vitamin C 0%

Calcium 0% Iron 6%

That is awesome tons of protein very few sugars and only 84 calories per 4 pieces...THAT rocks my face off!!!
Thank God for dehydrators!!!!

BEGININGS

Howdy ya'll....well offically my show season has begun...with my new diet and exercies regime...and I do mean a regime...for a moment I would like to pause and think about what the beginging is all about. To me a begining is first of all very excited, mysterious, and a little scary because you never are sure exactly what to expect. My new rule on this is to have no expectations and take everything one day at a time because truely that is all that you have control over...My other new rule about begingins is to set realistic goals not crazy ones...now it's great to have this idea that I'm going to go to the gym every single day and I'm going to eat perfectly every single moment of that day and then in like a year i'm going to loose a million lbs....reality check that is just unrealic not because it's not a good goal to have just because you really have no idea what is goin to happen one year from now or even one day from now. So my friends baby steps. Wake up and say my goal for the day is to ________________then when you've completeted that goal make a new one. I fell that so many things in life get out of control so quickly you have to treat things like being fit on a minute to minute basis you treat everything else that way so why not this...When I use to deal with everything in my life that was so out of control, my finances, my job or lack there of, my marriage, other people...I mean when everything just hit the fan and still hits the fan I feel the one thing I learned I could deal with and control was me and what I did.... I found the easiest thing for me to control was what I put in my body. I would like to just say to all those out there it's a good place to start... What you put in your body is the one thing you can control on a minute per minute, second per second basis. You can choose to eat or not to eat. to do or not to do. to be or not to be peeps that what it is. So start small then work to big and DO WHAT YOU CAN WHEN YOU CAN WITH WHAT YOU HAVE!!!!!

THE REASON

okay so now that you have the low down on what has happend the past year you can hear the reason why I want to write this blog... reason one it is not easy...it is rough to get where you want to be wether where you want to be is just to loose 10 lbs or 10,000 lbs and  reason two it always helps to know someone else knows... I just want to write about all the ups and downs and ins and outs of my fitness journey and I think by writting this blog it not only helps me but my one true hope is that someone, anyone, would read it and say hey that chick did it why can't I...or wowzers that chick went through the same thing I did when I heard that chocolate mint icecream screaming my name from the back of the freezer. I just want to write a real blog about my real journey on what it means to deal with fitness, diets, cheating, love, workouts and somewhere in between all that the reality of life...good or bad I don't know....that is for you to decided... I'm just going to send it out there...so watch out world here I come armed with tip tap happy fingers and the hope your there to read me.

THE SKINNY

Okay so this is the skinny on what is fueling me to write this blog... About a year ago on one very lonesome night I decided I had enough. I was depressed, sad, overweight, and felt I was missing just about everything in my life. In previous months to this moment I had gone through one of the roughest spots in my life. I had no job, miscarried my first potential kiddo, and somewhere along the way felt like I had lost my sense of self. Pity party aside it was pretty aweful but I was really ready to move to something better for me and not just say I was going to do something but actually get it together and do something. Here is the story to how all that happend. The blog within the blog
                                                                  THE STORY ON ME
For my entire life for as far back as I can remember I have been involved in sports...My Dad started me off playing baseball pretty much right out of the womb...lol...In the process of growing me and guiding me into the young woman I am he gave me a true passion for sports and showed me how to yeild that passion into success...Long story short I competed for many years in a huge variety of things(that kinda happens when your a small town gal like me). Which in turn gave me a passion to build my body, soul, and spirit into someone that was healthy and happy.


When I went to college I got the amazing opporutunity to compete in track and cross country for Wayland Baptist University where I met some of the most amazing people and really learned a lot about fitness and how to really live that life style and it is a life style. After 2 years of copmeteing I ended up breaking my leg and had to transfer to WTAMU where I competed in Cross Country. Then before I knew it my elegibility was up and ever since then have just been in a sink hole going no where but down (fitness wise). I was caught in this quick sand that I couldn't keep from sinking in. My fitness just kept going down hill and until recently haven't really started to pull my self out until I realized how much I was missing from my life by not having that lifestyle.

So here I am trying new things and sheding the old me. I am reinventing myself into the person that I want to be and hoping that I find who that is on this journey that I have set out on. I have one amazing friend that has been a huge insipration in my life and is really pushing me to be more and find more for myself, her name is Jenn. We ran track together at WBU, she was my roomate, best friend, confidant, you name she's it. And to top it all off she simply blows me away because of the amazing, dedicated person she is...Lately, she truley slaped me in the face with some big time motivation and realization. One day she called me up and just blurted it out that she wanted to do Body Building and I was like... wow....She told me how she always had wanted to do it and so she was going to get the ball rolling. Then the next thing I knew I was sitting at her competion in March watching her GET HER GROOVE ON in her first big show. She has always kept up with her body and as I was sitting there watching this person that is so near and dear to my heart walk across that stage putting ACTION to what she said she was going to do and I thought, "how amazing is that... How incredible she set her mind to and she made it happen".I also sat there thinking how far I had fallen away from my old self and for the first time in a long time missing it. Missing ME!

So I tried to get into shape again but I wasn't truly dedicating myself like I should have. I strung myself along a sting of yo-yo dieting, mismatched workouts, quick fixes and rollercoaster fitness knowing the whole time what a BIG MISTAKE it truly was!!! and as I sit here writing these words right now I am vowing NEVER to tred down that road again. However, going through all of those experiences were nessesary to find the right one. Thomas Edison once said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." and boy have I found those 10,000 ways. Through all those experiences I found a reality about who I am. That reality is this, that I need something with validity and substance, a "true goal" to keep my eye on and ironically my friend jenn is the one that introduced me to that goal. To get into the world of Body Building. I feel that doing something like this is a true test of fitness, dedication, and love not only of athleticism but love for yourself and your health.

I had been contempating what it was I actually wanted to do and honestly I was worried. I didn't know what I could do, or how I wanted to look. Then Jenn came to me and told me about the new NPC bikini division and I knew as soon as it left her lips that ,that was IT (at least a good starting place for me). So I'm diving and I'm putting into action the words that I've spoken. I've been working my booty off in the gym faithfully going everyday doing a workout of cardio and lifting. I have been "clean eating", I threw out all the crap in my house that could keep me from accomplishing my goal, needless to say my hubby is not very happy that there is no longer any junk to eat. He keeps saying things like," where is all the food", when there is a whole frige full of fruits and veggies. It's kinda funny when I think about it(he's such a man). On the clean eating subject I had a really bad experience with eating butter for the first time in a while and we'll just say it wasn't pleasant and don't think butter will be comming back into my diet any time soon.

I know that I'm just a baby starting out in this remarkable new world but I truly have developed an all or nothing attitude to making this happen. I really want this more than I have wanted anything my entire life for the exception of marrying the man of my dreams (which I have done...he's mine). Right now in this moment of my life I want this..and more than just wanting it... I need this with every portion of who I am! I have to make this happen for myself. I need to believe in myself again and feel and breath in and truly love something I am doing. I feel alive and new. Finally I've found something to rekindle my passions for health and fitness. And spark a new fire into at least what is for me the unknown that holds treasures for me to unlock and life for me to live. I'm depending on myself and God to get me through. I've been praying everyday that he gives me the strengh,and the will to make this desire of my heart a reality and have been remembering what was said in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."

So I am making MY BODY a temple BABY...not only to glorify myself and give myself a new start but also to Glorify God in everything I do because I deserve it and more importantly GOD deserves it, making myself into an All NEW ME!!!